


Last Goodbye

by nickelkeep



Category: Supernatural
Genre: Angst, Angsty Angst Week, M/M, Minor Eileen Leahy/Sam Winchester, Mutual Pining, Past Character Death, Past Gabriel/Sam Winchester, Past Relationship(s), Past Rowena/Sam Winchester, Pining Gabriel (Supernatural), Pining Sam Winchester, Post-Episode: s15e09 The Trap, Protective Gabriel, Suicidal Thoughts, The Empty (Supernatural), no happy ending
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-01-24
Updated: 2020-01-24
Packaged: 2021-02-27 07:07:48
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,453
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/22383070
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/nickelkeep/pseuds/nickelkeep
Summary: In the fight against Chuck, Billie needs all hands on deck, including a certain Archangel. While waiting for the time to strike, Gabriel watches Sam from afar.
Relationships: Gabriel/Sam Winchester
Comments: 16
Kudos: 43





	Last Goodbye

**Author's Note:**

> Written for Sheya's ([misha-moose-dean-burger-lover](https://misha-moose-dean-burger-lover.tumblr.com/)) Angsty-Angst Week on Tumblr.  
> ...  
> You can find me on [Tumblr](https://nickelkeep.tumblr.com/) and [Twitter](https://twitter.com/nickelwrites).

Sam didn't know that he was being followed. Gabriel made sure of it. Despite Castiel figuring out quickly that he was still alive, Gabriel begged and pleaded with him to not tell Sam. He caused enough issues in Sam's life, coming back from faked deaths. Gabriel didn't want to interrupt Sam's life yet again.

Gabriel figured he could pull enough strings from behind the scenes. He was already under Billie's command, brought back for the sole purpose of making an army to take down his father. So Gabriel knew there would be no harm in doing a little more and making sure Sam thrived. They were waiting for the opportune time to strike anyway. Billie may have been a little terse with him when he juiced up Eileen. She needed to make contact with Sam faster, as far as Gabriel was concerned. But he honestly did it for Sam, not for Billie's insane war. Sam needed something - someone - good in his life. Even if it wasn't him. Not anymore.

The archangel closed his eyes and listened to the world around him. So many people were completely unaware of what was going on. Of the horrors and the monstrosities that surrounded them. They knew nothing of what Heaven and Hell were actually like. They had no idea of what the Empty was like. Gabriel exhaled abruptly through his nose. In reality, the best-case scenario would be him dying during the battle and going back to the Empty. 

The problem was that the Shadow of the Empty wasn't allowed to touch him. Not yet. Not until Death had done her part and reaped God Himself. Billie laid down the law that anyone released - or who had escaped from - the Empty were to be sent right back to Earth. Despite his father running amok, trying to destroy his own sandbox, Gabriel was almost invulnerable. He could still be stabbed with an Archangel blade, if anyone had one, but that gooey son-of-a-bitch was in direct orders to send him right back. 

A flash of light grabbed Gabriel's attention, and he carefully watched Sam out of the corner of his eye. They were both sitting outside, Sam drinking a coffee while looking over something for a hunt. Gabriel sat in his own seat a few tables away and nursed hot chocolate while attempting to spy and eavesdrop. Sam had pulled out his phone and hesitated before dialing. Once sure that Sam wasn't in danger or suffering, Gabriel allowed his mind to drift off.

Gabriel honestly didn't mind the idea of returning to the Empty. No thoughts, no connections, just nothing. There was a little fear that shivered through him, but his heart - what counts for his heart anyway - craved it. None of this pining for Sam that no amount of lovers or candy could ever help him get over. 

A part of him was ashamed for wanting it, not that he would ever admit it aloud. How many angels and demons and beasts would wish to be revived if given the opportunity? Besides, Gabriel had been in the Empty before, he should be grateful for the sun kissing his skin. 

If he looked back at the time of nothing? The eternal sleep after the other Michael killed him? Not even his own grace and wavelength, but the one from the world where Sam never existed? He never got the chance to get to know Jack or to tease Dean and Cas for being idiots. He never got to tell Sam goodbye.

" _Gabriel?_ "

Gabriel shot to attention, hoping he hadn't brought too much attention to himself. Sam's voice flowed through him, not at him. He mentally checked himself, his glamour was still in place, and there were no other angels around to out him.

" _Gabe, I know you're gone. I know that you can’t hear me._ "

Gabriel sat up a little straighter. He'd been back for a few weeks now, but this was the first time he'd heard Sam. It made Gabriel wonder how often Sam had prayed to him like this?

" _I know this is pointless every time I do it, but I don't know what else to do._ " Gabriel could have sworn that he heard Sam's breath shudder as he exhaled. " _I'm lost._ "

Gabriel fought the urge to go and envelop Sam in his arms, settling instead for a glance.

" _I know we're fighting a losing battle. The things… the things that Chuck showed me? Between glimpses of other universes and the future if Cas and Dean had been successful in trapping him? What are we fighting for?_ " Sam bit his lip and looked around before continuing his silent litany. " _What am I fighting for?_ "

Gabriel contemplated trying to block Sam out. These prayers were supposed to be private, and Sam thought he was praying to a dead angel. There was no way that he would have said them if he knew Gabriel was alive.

" _Rowena's gone, ruling over Hell. She's a goddamned queen, and she knows it. You'd be so proud of her. And Eileen? After what Chuck did? After he confirmed that he manipulated me into bringing her back to life?_ " Sam went silent and Gabriel stole another glance. He watched as Sam wiped at his eyes. " _I've lost or am losing everyone I've ever loved_."

Gabriel whispered into the wind, "You still have Dean and Cas and your friends."

" _I swear, I don't know why I do this. I can almost hear you telling me that I have Dean and Cas, and Jody and Donna, and the girls…_ " Sam sobbed out a laugh and kept praying. " _And this is the part where I would tell you–_ "

"–That's not what I meant and you know it." Gabriel finished the sentence with him. 

Sam ran his fingers through his hair, and Gabriel imagined the fingers being his. He pictured himself massaging Sam's scalp, lightly tugging any knots out of the locks. He remembered kissing the top of Sam's head as he twisted braids into his hair, Sam patiently humoring him.

" _Gabe, I'd give anything to have you back._ " Gabriel looked over at Sam, the tears running down his face as he spoke. " _I'd do anything to just see you one more time._ "

Gabriel almost gave in. He almost stood up from his seat. He almost walked across the outside bistro to wrap his arms around Sam. Billie nor the Shadow had said that he couldn't reveal himself to the Winchesters. But Gabriel couldn't put Sam through the pain again. Gabriel couldn't fight away Billie and the Shadow forever.

" _I need something, Gabe. Something more._ " Sam pressed the heels of his palms into his eyes. " _I wish I hadn't gone to the portal like you commanded. I wish… I wish that instead of being angry with you, that I had said 'I love you.’_ "

Gabriel inhaled deeply. "I know, Sammy. I knew how much you loved me – still love me – and I wish that I could be with you."

" _Dammit, Gabe, why does it feel like you're here?_ " Sam picked up his napkin and blew his nose. " _Out of all the times I've prayed to you in the past two years… Fuck, for all I know, it's Chuck trying to kick me while I'm down._ "

Gabriel paused with realization and cursed his father's name. Sam, his Sam, had lost hope. The one who always found hope, even in the bleakest of situations, had given up. The urge to hold him, to tell Sam that he had an army behind him, rose up stronger. 

"You know you can't, Gabriel." Billie sat across the table from him.

"You never said I couldn't reveal myself to him."

"Figured you were smart enough to know the consequences if you do." Billie looked at Sam, who was oblivious to her presence. "And I know you don't want to hurt him."

Gabriel paused for a moment and looked at Sam. "I just need…"

"I know, Gabriel. Be smart about it." Gabriel turned back to where Billie sat, to find the spot vacant.

"Fuck you, Billie." Gabriel took a deep breath. He knew that Billie was right. Gabriel closed his eyes and recounted the last few things Sam had prayed during his brief exchange with Death. He looped the images in his own mind, replaying Sam's memories. Sam had seen horrible things in the future where they had trapped Chuck. Gabriel composed himself and whispered one last time into the wind. "Sam, believe in what you see, in what you feel. God can't control your emotions." He watched Sam from his seat. "Know that I'll always love you, Samshine. Even in Death."

Sam sobbed openly at Gabriel's last proclamation. "I love you too, Gabriel.”


End file.
